The Wicker Tree

by bloodyrenn

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I imagine some of you have seen This Is Spinal Tap and, in relation to that, all I really want to say about The Wicker Tree is “shit sandwich” but, in an attempt to keep a certain level of quality to my blog, I will elaborate a little bit.

The Wicker Tree is the second part of what is apparently going to be “The Wicker Man trilogy” which unfortunately means that we’re in for yet another modern disaster exploring the themes explored so eloquently and poignantly in the first, then stand-alone film The Wicker Man from 1973.  I am all for the triumph of paganism over Christianity and, in The Wicker Man, we’re given more than a few handfuls of witty, intelligent and spirited heathen ideology that are truly a delight to behold.  The Wicker Tree, despite having the pagan sentiments, offers no new perspectives or ideas and, on the contrary, offers the same perspectives and ideas in a much less convincing and engaging fashion.  The pagan community deserves better, no doubt.

The characterization throughout The Wicker Tree is wretched.  We follow two predictable soon-to-be-wed-and-high-on-the-might-of-God southerners on their trip to Scotland (of all places) to spread the glory of God.  Yeah, the premise is ridiculous, I agree.  Granted, the deaths of said folks could have been satisfying if the film was orchestrated in such a way (I mean, after all, how couldn’t one be cheering with the heathens as the officer was torched in the first film?) but, instead, we’re given anti-climatic, unphilosophical killings that aren’t even creative or gruesome.  When the male of said couple gets eaten (quite literally) I can think of no other word than “cliché” since the scene is shot like one you’d see in any number of the dismal, subpar zombie flicks that come out by the dozens nowadays.  As for the girl’s death, well, heh, it’s perhaps the definition of anti-climatic but hopefully you’ll never find out why because you’d have to sit through nearly every minute of this atrocity to get there and it’s most definitely not worth it.

What can I say?  This film sucks and it sucks hard.  If The Wicker Man was Kill ‘Em All then The Wicker Tree is Load; If The Wicker Man was the original Psycho then The Wicker Tree is the remake … you get the picture: garbage.  I passionately adore the original The Wicker Man, it’s one of the greatest and most inventive films to come from the horror genre and is seeped in a spirited, pagan passion that one rarely, rarely sees in cinema and The Wicker Tree, for all intents and purposes, is its antitheses.  Avoid The Wicker Tree at all costs no matter how curious you are; I could have gone to the dentist or gave myself a swirly but, instead, I watched The Wicker Tree and now I am full of resentment and regret.  A shit sandwich not worth eating!

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